I wrote this obituary for my Dad as one way of making peace with my feelings of being betrayed. The process enabled me to have an internal dialogue with an image of my Dad. The cleansing and clearing allowed me to let go of the sense of betrayal and accept the deep love my Dad had for me behind the masks we both wore:

William M. Taggart, Sr.died yesterday after a long illness. He is survived by his wife, Alberta Howell, and two sons, William Merritt and Edward Howell. Memorial services will be held Saturday. A thirty three degree Mason's service will be conducted at graveside in the Woodlawn Memorial Park.

Of particular interest to his friends and acquaintances are the notes he left for his son, William. In these notes he explains how the long hours and days at the shop hampered Bill's growth and development. Had they spent more time together as father and son in other settings, a deeper bond of real friendship might have developed. But there was no time for that sort of thing when you struggle to barely keep a failing business alive. This business provided a refuge for William Sr. while serving as a prison for William Jr.

Had there been more time, the father would have discovered that his son could have learned to play and have fun as well as work and always be productive. But all he learned, to the point of excluding all other thoughts, was the need to get just a little more done in the hope that it would make the difference between failure and success. "Let's work a couple more hours tonight to complete that order!" was the byword in their business activity. As if in mock defiance, fate dictated that no matter how hard they worked, they could not be successful. "Success" does not always go to the diligent and tireless as the American dream would have you believe.

What is it about Bill that his father would have known had the pressure of daily work from dawn to early and late evening not prevented it. Well even with the workload, Bill was successful in high school activities as evidenced by his being elected President of the student government in his senior year. However time was not available for Bill to pursue these school activities vigorously. As a result William Sr. never saw his son's larger potential emerge. He only saw that he could work for long hours and days without letup in getting a lot done but without any real progress. His son learned to get his sense of accomplishment through how many activities at the business were completed in what period of time.

The sins of the fathers are visited on the sons. William Sr. wanted to see Bill successful as an engineer - that was a high demand occupation at the time Bill finished high school. But then William Sr. would never get to see Bill doing what he wanted to do. Since his own career had petered out, he wanted his son to have a different experience. Its funny how the best intentions have exactly the opposite effect sometimes. But destiny had its way - just before he died, William Sr., for the first time, recognized and encouraged what Bill wanted to do for himself.

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