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These tables record shadow reflections from a primary relationship. The heading for each indicates whether or not we both shared that shadow trait. The first column gives a brief description of the trait. The second indicates whether the trait was to be transformed (T), energized (E) or do nothing (-). Added emphasis appears in red.
The first table lists shadow elements we both had. I observed these when I saw something in my behavior I did not like in hers. Behaviors she expressed, but I did not are listed in the second table. They are divided between those I did not like (first four) and those I did (last four). The third table lists behaviors I observed in myself that she did not have. Behaviors neither of us had were not relevant.
| Shadow Elements We Both Had |
T/E |
| "Fucking" around - having an affair |
T |
| Loin driven - sexual fantasies |
T |
| Clamming up - not saying a word for days |
T |
| Letting small irritations buildup - anger |
T |
| Doing it my way - inflexible attitude |
T |
| Uncomfortable in "nice" surroundings |
T |
| Shadow Elements She Had, But I Did Not |
T/E |
| Moody - criticism - withdrawal - shutdown |
- |
| Opportunist - taking advantage of situations |
- |
| Self centered - lack of interest in others |
- |
| Bored - sleepy - few outside interests |
- |
| Helena - nymph - unblemished goddess |
E |
| Bright smile - as in mindful meditation |
E |
| Open Sexuality - physically and mentally |
E |
| Doing-not doing attitude - The Tao |
E |
| Shadow Elements I Had, But She Did Not |
T/E |
| Verbal outpourings (Overwhelming passion) |
T |
| Showing you where you're wrong |
T |
| Conscious soul focus in relationship |
E |
| Support companion's passion |
E |
| Personal process in the moment |
E |
| Being there - brother and charities |
E |
| Keeping a promise - avoiding betrayal |
E |
| Trying to make it work |
E |
| Getting issues out on the table |
E |
| Natural approach - hair style |
E |
The highlighted traits illustrate the transform (T), energize (E) and do nothing (-) ways of handling the behavior. The "clamming up" trait dominated a previous primary relationship. To the extent this lingered, that energy needed transformation (T). Observing her "self centered" subpersonality, it probably lurked in my background. However since it was not active for me, there was no need for action (-). The part of me I liked most in our relationship was the subpersonality that encouraged "following her bliss." I actively energized that subpersonality (E). |
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