Giving you the silent treatment for days at a time when I was upset about something.
Carrying grudges over perceived misdeeds that you had done.
Becoming defensive when you would try to express your feelings about some aspect of our relationship.
Playing the part of a martyr when I felt you did not recognize and appreciate the things that I did for you.
Using the power of words to swamp your reactions to things that you would disagree with me about.
Badgering you to do something my way instead of yours (e.g. using Don Reams to fix your Chevrolet rather than the dealer).
Taking a penny pinching attitude towards our family budget.
Using my "being different" as a reason not to recognize traditional holidays.
Giving you non traditional gifts in non traditional ways for special events (e.g. the beetle ring for your graduation).
Not explaining my metaphors for the gifts that I gave you.
Dragging you along on my pursuit for spiritual understanding.
Asking you to drive me to and leave me at Jane's apartment.
Arranging an evening meal for you, Jane, and I to get together.
Asking Jane to come over to resolve our situation with Patrick as a moderator.
Setting up outings where you, Rose, and I would spend time together (e.g. arranging a weekend in the Everglades).
Nagging you to go out with others and then getting angry when you tried to (e.g. trying to go with Patrick to the Grove).
Making too many changes, too frequently in our classroom and workshop work.
Failing to do sufficient personal counseling to bring a more whole self to our relationship.
Pressuring you to go along with exploratory and experimental sexual activities that I was interested in.
Encouraging you to follow my interest in the sexual aspects of Tantra yoga.
Pressuring you to make plans for your funeral by joining and completing Memorial Society forms.
Encouraging you to think about and complete the Right to Die forms and file them with our next of kin.
Extending nudges and pushes as suggestions for your self improvement.
Doing things for you when you said you did not want them done (e.g. getting you the soft lead for the new pencils).
Forcing you to be part of things that you explicitly asked not to be included in (e.g. picking out a cat at the Humane Society).
Approaching our relaxation time with an intensity that took the fun out of it (e.g. being compulsive in the maintenance of our sailboats).
Buying a high priced sailboat and keeping it in an expensive marina.
Having you take things back to the store to exchange for me.
Making rude comments about your contributions to the development of the PSI material.
Forcing you to listen to the things that I had written about the breakup of our relationship.
Putting you down and discouraging you about your personal activities (e.g. your service sorority and bowling).
Criticizing you for talking too much and too loud at social gatherings.
Complaining about the long telephone conversations with your friends.
Making comments about your driving habits that I thought needed improvement.
Pointing out what I thought were your negative patterns and suggesting ways that you should change.
Asking you to tell me when you slept with someone else so that I could guard against AIDS.
Suggesting that you go for counseling when I believed you were having difficulties with your role in the business.
Asking you not to spend time fixing treats and meals for me before you left on your trips.
Pressuring you to finish up the extra food in the refrigerator before you left on a trip.
Suggesting that you not spend as much time in the sun.
Telling you how "easy" it was to do the computer things that you were having trouble with.
Showing my displeasure at things you did on the spur of the moment (e.g. bringing Cher back from Key West).
Asking you to take the car for servicing so that you could use your "charms" to explain what was wrong with the car.
Teasing you about your weight with the "Lady Broadbottom" comments.
Initiating the open marriage phase in our relationship.
Taking off my wedding band to signify a change in our marriage.
Accusing you of not emotionally supporting me while I was on sabbatical.
Expecting you to tune into my emotional responses to TV programs, performances, plays, etc. (e.g. Phantom of the Opera).
Asking you to arrange a "date" for me while you were away on trips.
Not allowing for quality time in our relationship due to my intense career and HIP Systems commitments.
Suggesting that we setup the computer in your office when we acquired the Macintosh capability.
Pushing for retirement related thinking and planning while you were trying to get your career on track.
Implying that my lack of climax was a reflection on your ability.
Not sleeping in our bed when I felt my sexuality was misunderstood.
Badgering you for companionship when work was foremost in your mind (e.g. asking you to watch TV when you were in your office).
Developing detailed accounting reports for travel and workshop trips that pressured you to get them to balance.
Not recognizing your contribution to my school and career efforts.
Asking you to reduce your travel so we could spend more time together.
Picking you up outside the airport rather than meeting at the gate.
Expressing anger over your leaving our marriage where you heard me.
Forcing togetherness when you wanted to be alone (e.g. swimming in the same lane with you at the fitness center).
Making bad decisions about our being together as a family (e.g. asking Charles to be with us for the Christmas holiday).
Sleeping in the guest room during your last days here.
Making a twelfth hour effort to save our marriage after you had already gone to Orlando.
Expecting you to work with me in the shop when we were dating and when we were first married.
Letting you do most of the holiday preparations and celebration.
Relying on you to initiate and arrange most of our social activities.
Begrudging your spending money for extras that you wanted.
Doing little things around the house without asking you first (e.g. throwing out the baggie ties in the kitchen cabinet).
Not assuming my share of the household chores when I was working on my degrees and in the early phase of my career.
Buying a day sailor as a way to dominate our recreational time together.
Taking the initiative to start a business for you on my terms.
Trying to accomplish my vision of the classroom and HIP Systems without getting enough of your input.
Backing out of the Key West program so that you had to go by yourself.
Putting you in a difficult position with Maria about the planning and arrangements for the Colombia project.
Grumbling about and not taking good care of your plants while you were on trips.
Encouraging you to actively work with me on ways to improve your workshop performance.
Pressuring you to work with me in workshops again.
Asking you to take the lead in and play the dominant role in new initiatives for HIP Systems.
Insisting that you take part in and discuss the financial aspects of HIP Systems on a regular basis.
Not being clear about my expectations for HIP Systems finances.
Believing in and encouraging the "mission messages" that Charlene received from her guide about our work.
Including you in plans and discussions with Bob Arden and Winona for local programs.
Telling you what my father said about his feelings when I told him that we were getting married.
Leaving you to fend for yourself during the time my mother was drinking and badgering you about the Howell family tradition.
Insisting on my values in raising our children (e.g. attending a liberal religious Sunday school).
Not carrying my share of the family correspondence.
Inviting and allowing my brother to stay for extended periods of time in our home.
Taking my frustration and repressed anger out in disciplining our children, especially our daughter.
Encouraging you to see your father when we visited the Orlando area.
Suggesting that you work on trying to forgive your father.
Encouraging you to patch things up with Shirley and to look on those changes in a positive way.
Pointing out that I thought that Shirley did not deserve the treatment you were giving her.